building your dreams

By Julia Armstrong

Sunday morning for me means running a long way – it has been this way for over thirty years – and it also means a long dialogue with whoever I am running with.

Years ago, as a teenager, it was my friend Dave, and we would explore different ways to train, always thinking of how to get faster and stronger. Mile after mile we’d run – every step so simple, one foot in front of the other, thinking that there must be something else we could do, something that would be the magic ingredient. We were unaware that in turning up and putting in the miles we were doing all that was necessary, and that the biggest ingredient we needed was desire, desire to be all that we could be.

Imagination

We also spent a lot of our running time imagining ourselves succeeding, running the great races we knew we had in us. We expected it to happen, I don’t remember us ever doubting. I knew I would run for England and I had wanted this since I was a child. I would dream of myself running in every spare minute I had, I would write my training in my rough book at school, always planning, always excited. This helped me to continue believing even in the face of disappointment.

My first England trial was over within the first 100 metres when I fell and got caught up in a tangle of skinny teenage legs and arms. I was undeterred, never thinking that this meant it wouldn’t happen, and the next year I was there again, messing it up myself this time, deciding that if I didn’t eat breakfast I would be somehow sleeker and lighter and faster. Of course the reverse was true, I was heavy and lethargic, with no energy, but once again I did not think this meant my dreams were over. I returned again the following year and the race was even sweeter for the two previous disappointments. I remember turning into the final lap and seeing my sister standing at the top of the hill, both of us knowing that I was running towards my first England vest.

Motivation

Thirty years on I am running still, and still talking as I run, and today my friend Rob and I once again ran for miles, but talking now not of how we can get faster, but how we can help others get faster, and stronger and fitter too, how best to communicate the benefits of healthy living en masse, how we can go about inspiring athletes to aspire. After miles of dialogue and miles of running, we concluded that the important thing is desire and expectation, being able to imagine how things would and could be. From this position comes the motivation to overcome the difficulties and see where changes need to be made.

Understanding

Most people hope for things – to be happy, or to be healthy – and within that hope there is a receptivity to be guided. The important thing is how they are guided.
All of us will respond to words if within them we feel supported and understood. This begins when we are small and if we feel that we are not ok then our core emotional set point can cause us to hear words through a filter, resisting any influence if we feel that it confirms what we suspect – that we are getting it wrong. If we are told that we are not eating properly, or not exercising enough, it can hit the part of us that feels somehow helpless, whereas if we are encouraged and the ideas presented feel in line with our own desires and expectations then we will behave in entirely different ways.

Communication

Communication is a skill. We must be conscious to take note of all we say and watch for the effect of our words on others. If we become conscious, then even within the complexities of each individual we can learn to have dialogue that keeps us hopeful and that keeps us believing that, even when life is hard, we can all support one another when disappointments arrive.

Everything is created through dialogue and in the spaces between us. If we own our own part within this, listen to one another and become conscious of our responses and reactions, then we really and truly can work together to create and build our dreams.

Julia has worked with people for over thirty years as a life coach and therapist.  Her skills lie specifically in enabling people to have healthy and happy relationships with themselves and others. She is an Educator for the Imago model of relationship therapy, which is a powerful tool in enabling people to really listen to one another and validate and value their differences. Julia's work leads others towards real connection, healing and personal growth, allowing relationship to become a place to experience living with more joy and creativity.  To learn more visit www.juliaarmstrong.com