Relationship Fixers

Monday 8th January was expected to be a bonus day for solicitors everywhere, waiting for the hordes of unhappy husbands and wives with divorce petitions at the ready.

Let’s face it - Most relationships will experience problems at some point. Most of the problems can be avoided by recognising problems early on - and making a committed effort to fix what’s going wrong before it turns into a relationship breakdown. These are the top seven causes of relationship problems and how to avoid letting them irrevocably damage your relationship.

1. Being unfaithful or dishonest
   Trust is the single most important ingredient in a healthy relationship. If you break that trust by lying or cheating on your mate, then it will take a great deal of work to rebuild it. Being honest doesn’t mean being brutal - but lying about where you are, who you’re with or what you’re doing is going to take its toll even if you’re NOT doing anything wrong
   
   
2. Abusing your partner
   Being abusive is never excusable, whether physical or verbal If you or your partner ever physically harms the other or regularly insults or otherwise verbally injures the other, it’s a serious relationship problem. Take stock of why you’re together, and consider counselling to understand the causes and repair the damage or make the decision to separate.
   
   
3. Putting your partner after other commitments
   A healthy relationship is one that fills the needs of both partners for companionship and intimacy. If you allow work, friendships and other interests to interfere with meeting the needs of your partner, you could be damaging your relationship. Your partner doesn’t have to – and shouldn’t – always come first, but if you always put spending time with your partner AFTER everything else, then you’re heading for relationship problems.
   
   
4. Being inattentive to your partner
   One of the most important ways to keep your relationship healthy is to pay attention to your loved one. Just being in the room with them isn’t enough. It’s important to actually be present for them – listening, hearing and responding. Take the time to let your partner know that you think about them and value them if you want to avoid relationship breakdowns.
   
   
5. Constantly blaming your partner
   It’s only too easy to take out your frustrations on the nearest thing – but it’s damaging to your relationship if you make your partner your scapegoat when you’re really angry at the boss. Instead of yelling AT your partner, try talking TO them about what’s really bothering you. That’s a relationship builder, not breaker.
   
   
6. Nitpicking and nagging
   Okay, so it drives you bonkers when he chews with his mouth open, and if she doesn’t stop leaving the coffee pot on when it’s run dry, you’re going to scream – but if you spend more time picking on the negatives than accentuating the positives then your relationship is heading for problems. Consciously practice giving POSITIVE feedback to offset the negatives and keep your relationship healthy.
   
   
7. Telling tales out of school
   If you have a problem with your partner, it’s far more productive to address it with them than to run to your friends or your family to complain. Everyone needs a safety valve, but if all you ever do is talk about the bad parts of your relationship with others, you’re reinforcing your own negative feelings. If you MUST gossip about your problems, try to give equal time to the things you love about your partner.

This article comes from www.armchairadvice.co.uk - a prime source of information for those experiencing relationship problems.  It provides advice on repairing a relationship, as well as giving advice on where to go for family law expertise and information on relationship breakdown and divorce.