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How does The Food Philosophy work?
By showing women that the more they try to 'cut down' using outside advice about what and how much to eat, the more their survival drive to overeat will kick in and the more they will be driven to overeat. I tell them exactly how and why this happens (including how the human brain works). I tell them what psychological factors set them up to fail at taking control over food. They then use the tools and exercises, along with this new information, and they change their thinking. I teach them how to take responsibility for their own choices. The end result is that they have a control over food that they didn't have before.
introducing relentlessly positive's new guru
I'm absolutely delighted to announce that as of this week, we have a new guru on board - the lovely, and very insightful, Sue Thomason.
Sue spent 20 years as a journalist on national newspapers and women’s magazines, such as Now, Woman, Cosmopolitan, Woman’s Own, Woman’s Realm, Mizz, Essentials, Bella, Best, Chat, The Daily Telegraph and more. She has been a scriptwriter, a film maker and a broadcaster for ITN. She is now a motivation coach and she spends her working day helping people to set themselves free from the overeating trap by teaching The Food Philosophy online.
She knows everything there is to know about the psychology of overeating and she can read your mind - so listen to her!
If you have a question you'd like to put to Sue, or a comment on her advice, e-mail Relentlessly Positive
This week, to coincide with the approach of Valentine's day, Sue looks at whether men really fancy fat women...
How can I believe I am attractive...when I'm fat?
"After years of yo-yoing weight and no control over what I eat, I’ve given up on dieting. I’m trying to embrace my size and accept myself the way I am but I do struggle with believing that people can be attracted to fat people. During one of my temporary thin periods I went on dates with a dozen different men and they all would tell me how beautiful I was. I never get that response when I’m fat – I find it hard to get dates at all. And if I can be totally honest, I’m not attracted to really heavy men either so I can’t blame guys for what they find attractive in women. Can I really ever believe that I’m beautiful when everyone else thinks I’m not?"
Katherine, 31, Durham
Yes, you certainly can. All you have to do is try looking out of a different window. Have a think about it and ask yourself if it could be possible that you don’t get dates now because of the way you feel about yourself and not because of the way you look. There are plenty of large women who have no trouble finding men – men who worship the ground they walk on. The difference between them and you is that these women believe that they’re beautiful themselves and so other people see what they project.
Barbara Streisand, for example, might not have been big but she didn’t fit the media ideal. She was often described as both an ugly duckling and the most beautiful woman in the world. She said: “Go figure that!” But she didn’t care. She knew who she was and she didn’t need anyone else’s opinion.
Beauty has very little to do with the size and shape of someone’s body or whether their nose is big or their teeth crooked. It comes from inside.
As for you not finding big men attractive, everyone's taste is different. Can you see that your attraction is individual and nothing to do with a media image? Men like all different types of women and this isn't just based on looks. In fact, men don't have a choice when it comes to who they find attractive. Neither do you.
Men can override their natural attraction to a woman and pretend they aren't attracted to her if she doesn't fit what he thinks he SHOULD find attractive. In other words if he really fancies a gorgeous confident big girl but thinks his own image would be threatened by being seen with her, he might always reject her so that he can be seen with skinny model types. But would you want to go out with a man like this? Thankfully, there are millions of men above this kind of unattractive insecurity who are more in touch with their natural instincts.
There are of course a percentage of men who are naturally attracted to skinny model types, but they are by the laws of nature only a percentage.
And just think how awful for skinny model types this is. It's a bit like being rich. She'll never know if a man is with her because he's addicted to the approval of his friends or because he's really attracted to her. She'll never know if he's looking at her through his own eyes. She will always be aware that she could just be the equivalent of a flash car.
Women who don't fit the media ideal can be sure that they are loved for who they are. It's a big advantage, don't take it for granted.
